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Summertime - When Our Children Grew Up

2010-06-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

By Curtis F Williams

As we know, or should know, today is the first day of Summer. As parents, this is the time that we really notice how quickly our children, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren are growing. Now, for many of us "growing up" is in the past tense, as far as our children are concerned. Now, it is our grandchildren that have replaced our children. It is in the summertime that these little miracles of ours seem to change the most. They change us as well. Regardless of age, it is now that we notice a clear cut template for physical and emotional growth.

It is only later that we notice their spiritual growth in the context of our own lives. Because our spirits also change with theirs, and often because of them, we are caught unprepared either by a first step, first word, or first boyfriend/girlfriend. Of course there are so many other important stages of life development such as a wedding, a birth, and job promotions, and hopefully, we are given the opportunity and the grace with which to observe them.

It was in the summer that I first noticed the tremendous growth spurts that my children experienced. Summertime was when my children's bodies response to hormonal influences began to be noticed by their mother and I. Summer was when my son's white blond hair began to turn dark, and when my daughter found her oratory skills. This was when, and through shear determination, that her litigative summations, and ever necessary side bars that she tried to reason why she should stay up so late.

I remember that it was in the summer that both my wife and I seemed to be running a taxi service for their soccer and basketball teams or clubs, games, and associated events. How could time slip by so quickly while sitting in the bleachers, and listening to the other parents complaining (as we did) about the stress of travel, and or the officiating of so called "referees?" How did time slip by so quickly through the sometimes mind numbing boredom of team awards, and parental politics?

It sure seemed to me that it was during the summer that romance blossomed for both of my children, and as parents, we had to be on high alert. It was the magic of summer that our children found wonderful literature to read (on their own), music to listen to (B-52's for my son), and the exploration of art for my daughter. In the summer night never seemed to arrive, but mornings were so sweet and cool before the sun came around to push you out of the house, and to the beach or gym.

Much can be said for the other three seasons that we all travel through, though for some, not in the same sequence. Still, it was during the summer that so much of our children's lives changed, for better or worse, and it was the same for us as parents. However, it is during the summer that hope abounds, and hoops are rebounded, Gatorade is plentiful, summer fruits are at hand and at mouth. I remember an old song by Nat King Cole about summer that will always remind me of barbecues, the beach, and the hot asphalt that was between the parking lot and the city pool.

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Summer is Here - Organize Your Kids and Activities

2010-06-12T18:32:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day Weekend marks the symbolic, if not official, start of summer and it's finally here! After a long, crazy winter filled with snow, sleet, ice, and rain, everybody is ready to haul out the flip-flops and blow up the inflatable pool. We're lucky to have a stretch of time to relax, but if you have kids at home, you know summer can be as frustrating as it is fun. If you already signed the kids up for camps, swimming lessons, or sports leagues in the Spring, you're halfway there. Now all you need is to be armed with some sunny and rainy days ideas that don't require lots of time or money but still keep the kids involved and entertained.

Get out of the Rainy Day Rut:

1. House Movie Party.

Lots of people tend to head straight for the movie theater on rainy days, so why not head to the video store, call up a few neighborhood kids, heat up some popcorn, and have your own movie party right at home. The kids will love seeing their favorite movie with their friends in the comfort of their own home, but you'll love how much money you saved. Has anyone checked the prices for movie theater popcorn lately?!

2. Fort Fun.

Ok, moms, this is the day to give up on the perfect house and let the kids take out all of the beach towels, blankets, and pillows from the linen closet, bedrooms, and living room. Kids love forts. They could spend hours in them (a bonus for you!). Let them make a total mess of the living room, let them eat in their forts, and even let them sleep in them if they want. One day of a messy house is worth it to avoid screaming and cranky kids.

3. Talent Show.

As you're drinking your morning coffee and the weather report looks increasingly worrisome, surprise the kids with a talent show day. Let them create the show, make props with crayons, construction paper, and whatever else you may have in the house, and rehearse before the big event later that day when Daddy gets home. Kids love nothing more than being the center of attention.

4. Hit the Web.

There are plenty of great websites that have downloadable crafts, coloring pages, and other activities. All you need is an Internet connection and a printer and you'll have hours of artistic fun. One of the best sites around is rel=nofollow [http://www.woojr.com]http://www.woojr.com.

5. Be a Puddle Jumper.

When all else fails, grab some rain boots and a rain coat and run around outside. Jumping in puddles is truly one of life's simple pleasures and since kids are usually told not to get wet or they'll "ruin their clothes" or "catch a cold," the kids will revel in breaking the rules.

Beyond the Beach/Sunny Day Satisfaction:

1. Reverse the Thinking.

Most people visit museums or nature centers when the weather is cold and rainy, but why go when it's the most crowded and you can't really see the exhibits. Instead, go visit on a sunny day and you'll likely feel that you have the whole place to yourself.

2. Biking.

Is there anything more indicative of summer than hopping on a bike and tooling around? If your kids aren't big enough to ride alone or can't keep up, invest in one of those seats that straps to the back of your bike or a little trailer that rides behind. It's a great way to enjoy the day and fit in a little group exercise.

3. Make your own Popsicles.

Anybody can buy Popsicles at the grocery store, but there is something particularly delicious about a popsicle that you made yourself, and there is nothing easier! Pull out your ice cube trays and let the kids fill them with their favorite juice (outside, of course!). They might just have more fun licking the sticky off themselves as they do making them!

4. Sprinkler Fun.

Sometimes it truly is the simple things that are the best. This is as simple as it gets, but kids could spend hours running, jumping, and splashing through the sprinkler. You might even get inspired to run through it yourself.

5. BBQ with Buddies.

Many kids get the chance to have friends over for lunch or an afternoon snack, but it feels like a really big deal to have friends over for dinner. Let them invite as many as you can feed and fire up the grill for a fun summer evening. After dinner, toast marshmallows on the grill or have a firefly catching contest. It is the old-fashioned fun that they'll never forget.

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The Readiness of the Adopted Child

2010-04-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

Many consider that children, at an early stage, should be told that they are adopted. Studies have shown that by the age of three (3), a child is old enough to understand the story behind his or her adoption. When telling the story behind the adoption, it is important not to criticize the child's birth mother. The self- esteem of the child builds up knowing that the birth mother is capable of loving him or her.

At the age of six (6), the child is expected to start feeling afraid of being given away for the second time. Parents should expect this kind of behavior from their adopted child. Receiving statements like "You're not my real mother" is expected at this point.

At the puberty stage, the child should be given time to fully express his or her feelings about being adopted. Identity crisis usually happens at this age because the child have no idea who his birth parents are]. It is common for them to spend efforts in tracing records and trying to locate their birth parents. Some even in the latter stage consult to an Adoption Search Specialist after discovering that they are adopted.

When the child starts asking for the story behind the adoption, parents should be honest and gentle as possible. Offer to help in finding the birth parents if he or she decides to search for them. The adoptive parents should be counseled and be prepared to accept this kind of behavior from their adopted child.

Keep in mind that the child is not rejecting you for trying to look for his or her birth parents. Children look for their birth parents not because they don't love their adoptive parents, but because they long for something to believe and feel in order to fit in this world.

It is normal for the adopted child to seek for his or her birth parents at some point of discovering the story behind the adoption. Some even resort to an Adoption Search Specialist, hoping to successfully finding their real parents.

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Essential Parenting Tips For Raising Kids With Medical Issues

2008-03-06T03:49:00.000-08:00

I knew I was in trouble. She ripped the oxygen sensor off her finger and refused to put it back on.

Recovering from surgery isn't easy for anyone but it's especially challenging when the patient is only seven. My daughter was grumpy and uncooperative. That was understandable but not helping the situation. Coming out of surgery, she needed to be monitored; the medical sensors weren't optional. Kasey was not responding well to the doses of loving kindness and patience shown by those around her. There was nothing anyone could do to satisfy her. She was simply cranky.

"I need a blanket!" I pull up the blanket. She kicks it off with a scowl: "I'm too hot." Then, "I'm thirsty!" The nurse says, "You'll throw up. You need to wait awhile." "No, I want water now!" she cries pitifully. Heart aching, I ask for some water. They give her a red popsicle. That should make her happy if anything will. One little nibble and she resumes her wails for water. "Can't we give her a little water?" I ask. "What's the worst that can happen?" So we gave her some water and she was satisfied. Then, she promptly threw up.

I start running through all of my good Love and Logic tools that might help to insure the oxygen sensor stays on her finger. What might work? Enforceable statements? Nah, not the right thing at this moment. Empathy? Yeah but I'm already giving her lots of that. Choices? Ah ha! Let's try that one. "Would you like the sensor on your finger or your toe?" No response except the stubbornly set chin and a turn of the head.

With a heavy sigh, it struck me again how hard it is to set limits around misbehavior when our child is sick and in pain. When our children are hurting, it is so natural for everyone around them to acquiesce to every demand. We feel so badly for them and just want to make it all better - make it all go away. For a short period of time, that might be tolerable and not harmful. Sometimes we all need a little extra leeway and grace. But when giving leeway impedes good health care or giving understanding enables poor health decisions then thoughtful parenting choices become critical. And correct parenting responses are even more critical when pain and sickness are a part of everyday life.

These circumstances lead many children to understandably become more demanding and entitled. However, continually bowing down to the constant, and at times unreasonable, demands of a spoiled tyrant can be wearing on everyone in the house. And sadly, it doesn't even help the demanding child that parents may be attempting to pacify. Illness and pain make it hard to know where to draw the line. At what point does a parent say, "I am happy to bring you a popsicle when you ask me nicely?" And how many parents are really strong enough to withstand the tantrum that is likely to ensue?

When a child is chronically ill, guilt often kicks in along with close cousins: sympathy and fear. Guilt, sympathy and fear can control our parental responses before we are really even aware of them. As we trot off to retrieve the demanded item for an ill child, the thought might not even occur to us to accept only polite requests. And if the thought "I don't like how she is treating me" does occur, it gets drowned out by the other thoughts like "Give her a break, she doesn't feel well" or "She might get even sicker if I don't do as she asks" or "I want all of her moments to be happy ones so I won't say no" or "I have no energy to handle the fighting that is sure to happen if I say no."

The problem is that the more we give in to a tyrant, the more he demands. Hitler is the extreme example that appeasement simply doesn't work; not for dictators and not for children. We are all part of the same human race with the same only too human nature that says: "I want more." All who have spent time around a strong willed two- or three-year-old know the truth of Lawrence Kutner's statement, "The fundamental job of a toddler is to rule the universe." Left unchecked, demanding toddlers grow up to become controlling and demanding adults.

So, what is a parent to do? How do we best insure that our children cope with their health challenges in productive ways? How do we help them grow up into adults who are respectful, responsible, and hopeful?

Effectively responding to an ill and demanding child starts with an awareness of the dangers of an entitled mentality. Although parents may put up with a child who is demanding, rude, or lacking self control, the real world of adulthood is much less accepting. The best gift a parent can give a child is the opportunity to learn how to treat others with respect and to guide them in taking responsibility for getting their own needs met instead of demanding that others meet those needs.

Parents must effectively deal with arguments when setting limits. One-liners can be very effective. A calmly delivered response such as "I love you too much to argue" can turn down the heat when tempers start to flare - on both sides.

Share control as much as possible. Children who are chronically ill have less control over their bodies, time and circumstances than other kids. Allowing children to make as many decisions as possible helps them feel like they at least have some control in their own lives.

Parents must take good care of themselves by setting loving limits around how they are treated. Gently delivered phrases such as "I will listen to you as soon as your voice is calm like mine" or "I am happy to do nice things for you when I feel treated with respect" or "I'll get you the remote control when you ask nicely" will help your child learn to treat you, and others, with respect.

When children make mistakes, including treating others badly, wise parents respond with empathy and sadness rather than anger and frustration before delivering consequences. "Oh sweetheart, this is so sad. All of this arguing (or disrespect) has really worn me out today so I won't be taking you on your play date. Maybe we can try again tomorrow."

As I gazed at my daughter's firmly set chin and pursed lips, I pondered how to handle this oxygen sensor issue. I knew telling her to "just do it" wasn't going to cut it. That would only make her dig in and be more resistant. Of course in the extreme, the doctors could make her keep it on but that's not what I wanted to do. Forcing a child to comply might win the battle but loses the war of building character and internal ability to make good decisions.

In the end, it was simply allowing her to the freedom to make her own decisions that did it and trusting that she was a good decision-maker if given information in a matter-of-fact manner without showing my frustration. "Sweetheart, I understand you don't like it but I don't think it's a wise decision to keep the sensor off. If your body starts to get sick then the doctors won't know it and it could be a problem for you. So what do you think you'll do here?" I could see the wheels turning….

And without a word, she picked up the sensor and popped it back onto her finger. Oh wise child!

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The book "Parenting Children with Health Issues" is by Foster W. Cline, M.D., child psychiatrist and co-founder of Love and Logic (Love and Logic) and Lisa Greene, mother of two children with cystic fibrosis. Visit Parenting Children With Health Issues.

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Home Insurance : Get Your Happy Home Protected

2008-03-04T03:58:00.000-08:00

by Smith James

After long days of tiring work and careful saving, when you buy a home, you certainly feel a kind of satisfaction. At last, you have got a roof over your head that you can all your own. You can live in it peacefully with your family or friends; no hassle from dealing with the homeowner and no wasting money on rent. So, you have a precious possession under your disposal. Then keep it out of any risk by taking home insurance.

A home and its contents remain under various types of risk. The building may be damaged by earthquakes, floods, cyclones or even by man made disaster like bomb blast etc. So, it befits that you keep the home protected against all such kind of unpredictable mishap. And there is nothing better than a home insurance deal to do this work for you. It will ensure that if your home is damaged, you will get a compensation to cover the financial loss.

It is not the building of a home that is only under the risk of being damaged thereby causing some financial loss to the owner. The contents of the home also remain under the risk of getting damaged or being stolen. So, it is necessary that homeowners keep it in mind that the home insurance policies they buy cover the contents in it. This brings another important matter to the fore.

All the homeowners do not live in their home and all the people who live in a home do not own it. So, home insurance policies should be bought as per the necessity of the buyers. Homeowners who live in their own home should insure both the building and the contents. On the other hand, homeowners who do not live in their home should insure the building only. Likewise, the tenants should insure only the contents in a home.

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About the author:- The author is an expert in home insurance, home insurance, car insurance, van insurance, online insurance and has written a number of authoritative articles on this subject. His articles are widely read because of the clever tips and valuable advices he provides in them.

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Why Anger Arises In The Family: And How To Let It Go

2008-01-26T05:13:00.000-08:00

by Brenda Shoshanna

The family is the most common place for anger to erupt. It is also the place where the seeds of anger are sowed. When we live closely with others, when we are bonded to them, attached, dependent or vulnerable these individuals have the power to affect us deeply. In these relationships our expectations and demands greater.

Images Of The Family

We have strong images of how parents, siblings or children "should" behave. We feel we have the right to demand love and attention from those in the family. Parents have strong feelings that they have the right to loyalty and obedience, just because of their roles, (no matter how they treat their children). Children often feel the same. There is a common craving for a "happy family", where everyone loves and cares for each other, and where everyone accepts all of each other's difficulties. Unfortunately, this craving is often unfulfilled. For the most part the myth of a happy family is often a dream.

Families are often hotbeds of misunderstandings, resentment, sibling rivalry, jealousy, inappropriate expectations and demands and lack of acceptance. In fact, families are really fine places to work through a great deal of issues and learn how to individuate, grow, love and accept both others and ourselves.

Although many of us blame our parents for all that has gone wrong, the fact is that the parent is not the real culprit. It is the smoldering anger that is being held onto that causes the pain. It is the inability to get over disappointment about not having the parent of our dreams. This anger and disappointment can prevent us from growing up and establishing the life that best expresses our values and vision today.

Identity And The Family

A major factor that contributes to anger in families is the tendency each member has to identify with the other. Parents feel that children are a reflection of them. Parents also project their worst fears about themselves onto their children, or want their children to make up for errors and disappointments in their own lives. This is a huge mistake, which leads to a great deal of pain. It is interesting to notice how little room there is for differences in most families. Most think that a perfect family is one in which everyone is the same.

Individuation - (Becoming Who You Are)

The most vital process that goes on in the family is the process of individuation. This means that as a child grows they are given the opportunity to discover who they are, to be separate and different from those they love. Some experience differences between themselves and family members as separation, or even rejection.

They do not realize that unless family members become who they are, they will not be able to grow and love. Instead, anger develops, deep resentment and pain. The greatest longing most family members have is being known, heard and accepted for who they are. Ultimately, this is experienced as love.

Unfulfilled Needs In The Family

After a certain point of maturity family members enter the larger world and become part of other groups. These new groups are often experienced as new families. Needless to say these individuals automatically and unconsciously begin to repeat the same patterns they experienced in the family they came from. If there were many unfulfilled needs in their original family, they try to get these filled now.

If there were many demands made upon them, they expect that to be true once again and begin resisting demands made upon them in their new groups. (Or, they may turn it around and make those demands upon others now).When they enter a romantic relationship, often it becomes a repeat of the relationship they saw between their parents, or a relationship in opposition to it. One way or the other, the original family remains the main reference point.

Conflicts, demands, unfulfilled needs must fundamentally be traced back to its origin in the family and resolved there. Sooner or later we must make peace with our family, as it was and as it wasn't. Then we become able to create something healing and new.

Families Of Choice

When we have come to peace with our family, we are then able to "choose" those individuals and relationships, which we value and want in our lives. Although we cannot choose our original family, we can choose friends in our lives and choose to create a significant relationship that reflects who we are and what we've always wanted. We can create a new family now that fulfills our dreams and desires. This does not mean rejecting our original family, but learning from it, still giving to it, but, at the same time, going forward to create our lives as we wish them to be.

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Watch stress and sickness melt away on The Anger Diet. Learn how to give up one form of anger a day and replace it with a healthy antidote in award winning book by top psychologist http://www.theangerdiet.com . Dr Shoshanna, speaker, relationship expert, has helped thousands discover the strength, fulfillment and well-being they’re looking for. Subscribe to free ezine at http://www.brendashoshanna.com . Contact - topspeaker@yahoo.com. (212) 288-0028.

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I Love You, You Love Me, We're a Happy Family

2008-01-24T03:30:00.000-08:00

by Ronit Baras
All you need is love– The Beatles

When my nephew became a father, I told him that I think we bring our children to life to learn to love ourselves.

The birth of our first child is always the greatest opportunity to live our life again – a second childhood, only this time we’re taller, more coordinated and a bit wiser. I remember looking at my newborn daughter with my heart full of feelings I’d never had and loving her with every cell of my body. She did nothing. She was tiny and her eyes were closed most of the time. She just had to be there for me to have that feeling. I remember Gal holding her the first time and saying, “I don’t know you, but I already love you so much”. It’s funny how babies don’t need to do anything to be loved. They just need to be.

I wonder when this rule fades or when we, parents, forget it. I remember in those moments I
imagined my mum and dad looking at me like that and I knew, with 100% certainty, that love is born with the birth of your child and that I was loved, very much loved.

The perception of love, you see, changes when you become a parent. For me, it was a great realisation mixed with sadness. It was a great feeling knowing how much my parents loved me and it was sad that I only realised it when I became a mother. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the previous years, when I needed that feeling during my schooling years – my fights, challenges, obstacles, my fears, failures and disappointments. Realising my parents loved me when I was an adult was not enough to change the past. It’s as if their “love account” was full but I didn’t have the “access card” or they didn’t provide a “withdrawal facility”. In other words, I wasn’t able to see it or they couldn’t express it. Maybe because they didn’t have the skills to withdraw from their parents’ love…

Can you see the cycle? Love was there all around, but no one knew how to pass it on.
Do your children know how much you love them?

Do you ever say, “If they only knew how much I love them”? Especially in times of conflict, many parents feel like their kids just don’t know, even though they love them dearly. The difference between parents’ and children’s definitions of love is natural. People form their definition of love thanks to their life experience and closest life agents – parents, family, friends and teachers. There’s a 20-year of cultural, generational and experience gap between parents and children and the question is actually who is responsible? Do we need to give or do they need to receive?

Love is a give-and-receive relationship. Assuming the love account is full, the giving and the receiving must match. Yes, loving somebody else is not enough if they don’t feel it. Frustrating as it is, knowing how to receive love is not genetic and it is also our responsibility to teachSo when you ask yourself “if they only knew?” think of the answer. How would their life be if they only knew? Just imagine them knowing you love them throughout their life, their challenges, their failures and fears.

I remember asking myself this question when my son was seven. I imagined him at the age of 16, going through the challenges of adolescence, and looked for an idea to establish a withdraw facility to my full love account and wrote him a love story waiting for him when he’s ready.
Tell them how much you love them!

I love youI love youI love you

Expressing love is paramount in our relationship with our children. Saying “I love you” is great. However, there are many ways to show them how full their "love account" is. Remember, if you don’t tell your child how much you love them every day, you’ve wasted a day. Here are some ideas you can use:

I love you #1
Some of the first ideas were born with the birth of my "happy thought" - my daughter Eden. I started a love album with photos and love letters from me to her. From time to time, I see her going over them and reading, accessing my love.

I love you #2
I remember wanting to take a photo of every second of her life and Gal telling the kids “can you see my love in the photo? Dedicating an album to show your love is an asset to children. Make them an album.

I love you #3
Over the years, we came up with love songs, our own family love songs that we sing from time to time and every night before bedtime. Get creative or find a song you love expressing your feelings and sing it to them.

I love you #4
Lunch boxes are a great container of love. Put sticky notes full of love: hearts, kiss, encouraging words like “good luck on your test” or just plain, “I love you”

I love you #5
Dinner times are great opportunities to show love to each other. Play “what do you love about me?” games where every person needs to say two things he loves about the other family member. You start (be a role model).

I love you #6
Later in years, when the kids learned to touch type we started writing love emails to each other. Sometimes we sit next to each other, with different computers and write love to each other, funny, but written words you can keep for later.

I love you #7
A baking pan shaped like a heart can make kids really happy. It’s the thought that counts anyway. It’s easy to express your love by baking sweet, chocolaty, heart-shaped cakes for your kids.

I love you #8
Dedicate one evening a week to “my favourite food night”. This night is dedicated to the kid’s favourite food. If you have three kids, everyone gets to choose the meal once every 5 weeks (mum and dad get to choose too).

I love you #9
Touch is very important and is one of the best ways to communicate love. Remember: everyone needs 12 hugs a day, so make sure to give them all the hugs they need for a great feeling every day before bedtime.

I love you #10
Ask your children, “What can I do to make you feel loved?” You’ll be surprised to hear what children have in mind. It is also wise to find out the value of every expression of love. Different kids like different things. You may be putting in a lot of effort to show love in one way when your child prefers other ways.

The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return– from Nature Boy by Nat King Cole

Love is a precious feeling that can heal wounds and help cross rivers and mountains. To fill your child’s love tank, remember to tell him/her every day of your life "I love you".

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© Ronit Baras, Be Happy in LIFE - life coaching.
Ronit Baras is a life coach, educator, author, journalist, justice of peace and public speaker living in Brisbane, Australia, specializing in relationships and families and an expert on motivation for kids.
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Getting Rid of Runoff Water

2008-01-11T18:21:00.000-08:00

Water can be detrimental to your home. Any rain and snow falling on your roof is your home's enemy, and should be eliminated as efficiently as possible. Accumulated water can easily seep into the structure of your home, whether on the roof or the foundation, and result in serious damage.

Preventing water from damaging your home is the first step towards a happy home. All that is needed for good surface drainage is a properly angled roof, gutters, downspouts, and downspout extensions.

The roof is the first step to eliminating runoff water. It should be appropriately angled according to the environment in which it stands. Higher pitched roofs are common in areas where there is heavier snowfall, as falling snow can easily slide off the roof. In areas where there is a lot of rainfall, it is important that roofs be pitched in a manner that allows rainwater to flow into the gutters. This will prevent water from accumulating on the roof and destroying it. Therefore, most homes in North America are not flat, as it is more difficult to eliminate runoff water.

Your roof angles runoff water into the gutters attached along its perimeter. It is important that with faster and heavier rainfall, gutters be larger to accommodate all runoff water. If gutters are too small, water will splash over the sides and still be able to cause damage to your home.

Gutters should be checked and cleaned on a routine basis. Any leaks should be sealed with caulking, while debris clogging the gutters should be removed. It may be a time consuming task, but it will save you the grief caused by severe damage that could potentially destroy your home.

The vertical piping connected to the gutters are the downspouts. Downspouts forge a path for runoff water to be able to reach the ground. Like your gutters, they should be sized appropriately so that all water can be collected without spillage and be cleaned and checked routinely for leaks. Normally, downspouts are attached at the corners of a house. For surface drainage, a curved connection at the end to angle draining water away from the foundation is common. However, this is not sufficient to prevent water from leaking into your basement and adversely affecting the foundation of your home.

Which is why downspout extensions are required. Downspout extensions simply attach to the bottom of downspouts. Extending a few feet away from your home, they collect runoff water and direct it well away. A good downspout extension will also disperse the pressure of draining water so that it does not hit the ground heavily.

What, Only One Day a Year for Mom?

2008-01-09T04:20:00.000-08:00

What is it about Mother’s Day that you love so much? Do you love the fact that your husband and child join forces to prepare breakfast in bed for you? Or is it that your husband acknowledges what a great mom you are? Or simply that this day is not like every other when you collapse into bed as limp as an overused sponge and wonder, “How long can I keep up this mad pace?”

Today’s mom is so busy doing it all that she rarely has the time to enjoy life’s greatest gift, her family.

The reality today is that even as women are making incredible achievements they’re still battling the stereotype of traditional wife and mother. When the boss wants that report finished, do you stay late and take home fast food again, or tick off the boss and derail your promotion?

A clever mom can do anything, but you should NOT do everything. Follow these simple strategies and enjoy the benefits of Mother’s Day year-round:

1. Realize the power and freedom of NO. There are only 24 hours in a day and if you want more time to yourself, whether it be at work, at home or for leisure activities, you have to learn to say NO to everybody else’s expectations. It takes practice, but learn to say NO to every other cause that comes along that distracts you from your career or personal goals. The YES is for your priorities and puts you in the driver’s seat of your own destiny.

2. Draw your husband in. Sit down, hide the remote and tell your husband how much you appreciate him. Then explain you’re feeling overloaded. Just show him the long pre-prepared list of all your responsibilities. Then together decide on joint responsibilities and all the ways they could be handled—dinnertime: cook, eat out, eat TV dinners, etc. Find the best solution and get through your list while inviting your husband to offer some solutions. Be open to his ideas (no matter how impractical they are).

3. Delegate, delegate, delegate. If you want a career and a happy family life you’re going to have to learn to delegate. You need let your family know: “I cannot handle all the laundry, all the housework and all the carpools.” Your husband and children will have to chip in and help. Start with small things and slowly increase their responsibilities. Make sure to offer encouragement along the way but train them exactly the way you want it done. For small errands and housework it may be worth hiring help.

4. Stoke the fire. Apply your newly reclaimed time to what you passionately love doing. Is it travel? Pursuing a new career path? Exploring a talent such as writing or music? Go for it.
Here’s the bonus: when Mom feels energetic about life, the whole family benefits. And your renewal enhances your business life. So stoke up the passion and Happy Mother’s Day.

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About the Author: Inc. Top 10 Entrepreneur, Vickie L. Milazzo, RN, MSN, JD is the founder and president of Vickie Milazzo Institute, a legal nurse consultant training and certification company. She is the author of Inside Every Woman: Using the 10 Strengths You Didn’t Know You Had to Get the Career and Life You Want Now, 2006.

8 Ways to Create a Happy Family

2008-01-07T02:13:00.000-08:00

You might disagree and say, “Lori Prokop what are you writing now?” But hear me out on this.

I believe finding happiness and success are more than just money.

If you are not finding happiness in your family, this is to remind you that you have the power to improve your life within your family.

Here are Lori Prokop’s 8 ways to create (or re-create) a happy family:

1) Start with yourself. Finding happiness starts by deciding that you will create the loving spirit that can create a happy family. Develop an energy and personality where simply your spirit and presence will heal others and rejuvenate your family.

2) Look at yourself. Ask yourself this question and give yourself a true answer: “Am I contributing to family happiness or unhappiness?”

3) Heal within any feelings of mistrust or anger. This can seem to be an impossible task. But it is achievable and vital to finding happiness and success.

People make mistakes. Some make them only once. Others repeat their mistakes over and over. Each person is doing the best they can at the emotional intelligence level they have achieved.

If someone is being hurtful, blameful, angry or attacking, they are living at a very low emotional intelligence level. That doesn’t mean you need to live in this painful place with them.

Practice treating everyone in the family with love. You may not be able to be around them because of their chosen personality or behaviors. You can pray, intend or send loving energy to them. They will receive it and the power of love will heal them in remarkable ways, often better than we could have dreamed.

4) Choose to live in the upper six levels of your Life Guidance System. You have 21 emotional levels. Fifteen create what you don’t want and six emotional levels create what you do want. People ask me, “Lori Prokop, how can I live in the emotional levels that create more of what I want and result in finding happiness?”

Don’t be a part of family problems. Heal yourself and become a cure. Don’t tell your family you have chosen to do this. Just do it. They will notice the difference. Your newly chosen emotional levels will create positive results. With your lead and example, your family members can learn to love and respect each other.

5) Encourage high regard for each other. Teach, by example, that each family member accepts all others and lets each be who they are.

With some wisdom and insight, it is easy to see how people’s personalities have developed. Even if you are repulsed by someone, it is possible to see why they act as they do.

When the development process and history of their personalities is respected, even the most difficult people lighten up. When people feel understood, they no longer feel the need to defend. Love and acceptance of each person’s history will create the feeling of goodwill and real understanding.

6) Have no certain expectations chiseled in stone. Rather, expect the best and be open to what that manifests as. When we expect something certain we are often limiting the outcome by our own limited thinking.

Do not expect everyone to change at once or that it will come easily. For some the change seems immediate, for others it can take time. For some healing will seem effortless, others will need to hit rock-bottom before they begin. For some letting go of harmful beliefs, hurtful thinking and destructive prejudices happens gradually, sometimes only after personal pain or disasters.

This is sometimes a challenge because we want things right now. Many times I say to myself, “Lori Prokop, why can’t these other people do the right things?”

Pray their healing will be a safe, loving and wonderful experience. The most important element is that someone must start the healing. It will pick up for others from there.

7) Believe in assistance from a Higher Power. This is a non-religious, non-denominational, spiritual step. Miracles can and will happen for those who ask for help from a Source of 100% pure light and love. Choose actions and options that are 100% pure light and love.

8) Intend only the best for each family member. One person using their power of intention by sending energy of 100% pure light and love to other family members, though he or she may do it without others knowing, will in time see others are motivated to improve their lives.

When the intention of 100% pure light and love becomes a family practice, members will grow deeper in spiritual connection and have an easier time finding happiness.

So here is what Lori Prokop believes. Ultimately, you can change even the toughest family situation for the better. You can help family member experience success and help yourself in the process of finding happiness.

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About the Author: Create what you want in your life and manifest your desires. Learn how past abusive situations are still causing present day problems Free Special Report at www.howtohealabuse.com and get 3 Free ($87 value) ebooks at www.lori-prokop.com.

We can create angels or devils in family.

2007-12-20T03:49:00.000-08:00

By Blossom

Yes, Family is more important than any other unit of nations or communities. In the family we can create angels and devils. If we wish and imagine a loving world we have to start from the family itself.

I just remember a story right now, which you also may have heard it.

Once a criminal sentenced to death and just before the execution he is asked to fulfill his last ambition. He wanted to kiss his mother. When he kissed her he had bitten and cut her ear and he told her that when he was a little boy he had stolen a pencil of his friend. But his mother didn't correct him that time and at he grown up to a full criminal and sentenced to death.

Yes if he got correction at that infant stage he might be a good person. So let us try our level best to create angels in families than devils and make the world a happy and loving one.

Blossom

Family life

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Hold the hand of the person who loves you

2007-09-21T04:15:00.000-07:00

Here is a short story with a beautiful message...

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.

The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,

"Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river."

The little girl said, "No, Dad. You hold my hand."

"What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl.

"If I hold your hand and something happens to me,

chances are that I may let your hand go.

But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,

you will never let my hand go."

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...
This message is too short......but carries a lot of Feelings.

5 Ways to Balance Your Business and Your Family Life

2007-08-04T04:30:00.000-07:00

By: Kelly Sims

As an entrepreneur, your life can sometimes seem like a juggling act. Your business is the realization of a dream and takes a tremendous amount of work. But the effort is incredibly rewarding and it should bring you great satisfaction to know that you have no one to answer to but yourself. This is what you've always wanted, so you must be happy

Ask yourself this: what was your ultimate goal in starting your business? You may respond that you wanted to achieve independence from bosses, to have unlimited income potential or to set your own hours. These answers all essentially mean one thing; you went into business for yourself with the ultimate goal of being happy. But, spending hour upon hour on your business is not going to make for a happy family life. Finding a healthy balance between your business and your family life can be extremely challenging, but it is essential in order to realize your ultimate goal of happiness. How do you find time for family when your business occupies so much of your day. The following are some tips to help you to achieve the ever elusive goal of achieving a healthy balance:

1. Create a schedule. Schedule your work time as well as your family time. Keep a calendar or agenda with this schedule and stick to it. If you are feeling overwhelmed and think that just a bit more work time will help, think again. At the end of a long work day, you are in all probability feeling tired and frustrated. Taking a look at things with fresh eyes the next morning will help you to complete the job properly. Time away from the task will help to rejuvenate you.

2. Prioritize. Your family is your number one priority, and don't forget it. When making your schedule, always plan family time first and include some fun ideas in the schedule. After a long workday, you may be too tired to think of fun things to do, and might just end up in front of the T.V. This is not quality family time. Adding fun items to your schedule in advance will help you to follow through with your plans. Schedule a trip to the park, an evening at the kid's favorite restaurant, or just playing ball in the backyard. Don't forget to schedule some time alone with your spouse. A weekly date night will do wonders for your relationship. Even if it's just enjoying a rented movie and popcorn after the kids are in bed. Anything will do as long as it's not already a part of your normal routine.

3. Be sure to have some time left for yourself. This is often the most difficult time to schedule. How do you find time for yourself with all you already do in the day? On work days, this could be as simple as a 15 minute bubble bath or curling up with a good book before bed. On your days off, take a walk for an hour, or go on a bike ride. Be sure to allow your spouse the same. He or she needs time alone time as well.

4. Make to-do lists. In order to make the most of your workday, make lists and cross things off as you accomplish them. Being a busy entrepreneur, it may sometimes seem as though you don't have enough time in a day to allocate to all the jobs you have to do. You will be amazed at how such a simple thing as making a to-do list will keep you on track. Once you have crossed off most of the tasks on your list you will feel proud of all that you have accomplished in the day. Remember though, if you are not finished your list at the end of your scheduled workday, those leftover tasks will have to go on tomorrow's list.

5. Learn to delegate. You may find it difficult to let go of even some of the smallest tasks. Your business is the realization of your dream. How could you possibly leave any part of it in someone else's hands? If you don't want your business to run your life, you will have to learn to let go of some duties. Start with delegating little tasks and build from there. Once you have built up enough trust in the person you are delegating to, you can start delegating a little more. If you have employees, use them, that is what they are there for. If you don't have the resources to hire an employee, you can still delegate by using contractors, such as Accountants, Bookkeepers and/or Virtual Assistants. All of these will cost you less than an employee and will work from their own offices, so you don't have to provide them with a work space. Delegating will go a long way in allowing you to work more efficiently. It can also give you more family time. In fact, delegating chores in your house-hold will accomplish the same. Hire a house-keeper to come in once every few weeks, or hire someone to mow your lawn or plow your driveway in the winter. If these are not viable options, get your family to help. The more help you have, the faster the chores get finished and the more time you will have for the fun stuff.

Remember you need to work on your family in order to make it a success just as you do your business. Achieving a healthy balance is not easy, but once you do, the rewards will out-weigh any of the hard work you put into it.

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Kelly Sims is a Virtual Assistant and President of Virtually There VA Services. She is dedicated to making the lives of small business entrepreneurs easier. For more information, visit her website at => www.virtuallythereva.com .

Children behavioral problems – how to be recognized and what’s to be done about them?

2007-07-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

By: Sylvie. Brinton.

Many parents have to put up with whining, temper tantrums, and other annoying behaviors at home, at their friends, even when out shopping. Some even have to deal with stealing, lying and other more serious “crimes”. But how many of these parents know that their kids might be suffering of child behavior problems or child discipline problems? How many know the exact reasons why children do what they do and the exact steps one must take in order to get their children to stop the bad behavior?

As a general rule, any family wishes to have more fun and less stress as a whole. In turn, only few of them come to accomplish this goal. Many of them have children with major child behavior problems or disorders – like learning disabilities, ADHD, Asperger’s syndrome, Autism, and Obsessive Compulsive disorders. Others are simply tearing their hair out about their children’s oppositional and defiant behaviours - kids who throw temper tantrums, sass back at their parents, beat up their brothers and colleagues, refuse to do as they are told, refuse to go to school but instead, have other core preoccupations like stealing, lying, you name it.

Many of these parents feel completely hopeless when confronted with child discipline problems or child behavior problems. They feel like complete failures as parents and, in the end, they come to seek professional help. Fortunately, specialists at good-child-guide.com have good news for them: they can help as long as parents don’t expect any magic formula to make everything go away. Doctors cannot suddenly make Autism, ADHD or other child behavior problems or child discipline problems disappear; they can only make parents feel much more confident and much less stressed.

Children having behavior or discipline problems, either diagnosed or not, can be recognized by tracking down some characteristics. They are rude and defiant, aggressive or violent, sullen and moody, and most of the times, they show poor self esteem, depressed, anxious. They are hyperactive, always on the go and into everything, and not willing to accept NO as an answer to their demands, but in exchange, they won’t go to school, or do their homework, or go to bed, or do as they are told. Child behavior problems or child discipline problems also include frequent temper tantrums (or outbursts), lying and/or stealing, constantly being in trouble at school or on the street. As a consequence, parents feel tired, stressed, and hopeless that they will ever have a normal, happy family life, without finding themselves constantly shouting at their children or at their partner about how to manage kids. They are continuously worried about their kids not to drop out or be expelled from school, or worse, go off the rails into drugs and crime.

Helping children diagnosed as having behavior or discipline problems requires exactly the same principles as managing any normal child. Parents need to get to know their children’s individual personality and learning style, to know what motivates or doesn’t motivate them, and then adapt their strategies and expectations to that. If all these are properly done, then parents will be able to come up with the right strategies for a child whether or not they have a diagnosis pertaining to child behavior problems or child discipline problems spectrum.

Child behavior problems are not diseases in the sense that they are caused by germs, by injury, or by a clearly defined physical malfunction (such as asthma or diabetes). They are simply the result of parts of the brain not working at full efficiency. Some of them are partly genetic – often, a parent has the same symptoms. Some others are long term problems; therefore, they develop from child behavior problems and continue through the teen years and probably even into adulthood.

The biggest concern in cases of child behavior problems or child discipline problems is the danger of developing long term complications, such as failing in school and so dropping out, repeated permanent school exclusions, or the worst of all, turning to drinking, drugs, crimes, or becoming depressed and anxious. Therefore, preventing complications is the major goal of child behavioral problems management. In this long term process, parents are ones in charge because parents have to live with their kids and know them best, and moreover, as a parent, you are most concerned about kids’ well-being. Committed parents need to develop a good communication network between home, school and other professionals. They need to establish clear behavioral management strategies and do whatever adjustments are necessary in the home environment. Medication, although it is not a cure, can be an very useful help under the strict supervision of a professional.

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

The bottom line advice is that health professionals cannot raise your children, nor solve all your child behavior problems or child discipline problems for you. However, they do something very important: assist parents in getting unstuck from what seems to be hopeless life circumstances.

7 Steps To Successful Relationship

2007-06-25T05:44:00.000-07:00

By: James Burgess

There’s a big difference between a casual love affair and a relationship where both are hoping to be together in the long term. Life partnerships are much more committed, serious involvements that touch upon all aspects of our lives. We share much more than just the occasional night together; usually we share a home, our big decisions, money and friends; we share our hopes and fears and we offer care and support for each other and our children. It is often the foundation upon which we build the whole of our lives. And yet, are we really sure that both parties want the same thing?

Previously the stereotypical man would want someone to do his washing and to accommodate his sexual needs, the woman focusing more on her need for emotional responsiveness and fatherly support. There may well be a lot of this still underlying the interaction between partners, yet times have changed and now other ways have been found that our grandparents would have found truly bizarre. A love relationship is now seen as a very special form of life experience, which is challenging and requires us to learn skills to cope well with the issues that arise. This can so often be difficult and confusing, so it’s helpful to have some kind of guidelines to navigate through the stormy waters.

One model that works well is based on the idea that there are seven distinct aspects of relationship, and all of them are important to get right; none are avoidable! Some of us are strong with one and weaker with another—you may recognize yourself—and each of the lessons relates to a very simple word. The words are: No Hello Thanks Goodbye Please Sorry and Yes. Here’s a quick run-down of the basics:

No is first and foremost. Unless we draw the line somewhere we constantly feel in danger of being invaded. We have to tell our partner what is absolutely out of bounds, to draw the boundaries clearly and enforce them consistently.

Hello is to do with being open to consider new ways of living, having a healthy curiosity, trying something that may have seemed scary or boring before, looking for something of interest in every aspect of our partner’s life and friends.

Thank You must surely be said often if we want our partner to feel appreciated and not taken for granted. Little tokens of love can be given—flowers, sweets, words and touch—because it softens the hearts to do so.

Goodbye moments are the watersheds in life—and either we take them together or we separate. Life is always about moving on and we often have to make important decisions, always there are some very big and challenges in every long term relationship—so perhaps we can learn to see them as examinations that test our level of commitment, tests that make us ask ourselves about whether to move together or to move apart.

Please Relationship is essentially about cooperation—a sharing of visions and intentions. Actually we all need help to fulfil our life goals, whether this is ‘making a million’ or creating a joyful home, so it is crucial to learn how to win cooperation. This is achieved to a significant extent by blending visions together.

Sorry. So much could be softened in life if only we could all learn to say Sorry more convincingly! It is inevitable that we will hurt each other because we’re all sometimes insensitive—and yet this doesn’t have to lead to resentment and the resultant bitterness. That can be easily avoided with a sincere timely apology. Saying Sorry is not admitting guilt or worthlessness; it’s just to do with acknowledging a degree of insensitivity.

Finally, Yes. It’s true that we have every right to expect to get what want out of life—and yet it’s truer to even to say that it won’t always happen. Being able and willing to accept whatever comes is a secret that can lead to a much greater sense of relaxation, and this enables us to adopt a more tolerant attitude with our loved ones.

So. Look at the particular areas of your partnership where you experience difficulty with one of these words, and give it some careful thought—ask yourself what? how? when? where? who? and why? It is worth the effort because it’s so very important. Remember too that it is probably a lot easier to change things in yourself than another—and anyway as soon as you change yourself in a real way, then it’s almost certain that your partner will too. You can begin to see your relationship as a series of life lessons that show you how to progress in life and in love from No to Yes; from rejection to acceptance; from the tight pessimism of contraction to the unlimited optimism of expansion. It’s better that way!

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

James Burgess is the originator of the 7 Words System, www.7words.co.uk and edits the quarterly on-line holistic journal Cornucopia, www.cornucopia7.co.uk. His website is at www.jamesburgess.com.

The Many Lifelong Benefits Of A Healthy, Happy Home

2007-06-16T18:30:00.000-07:00

We wish you a Happy and Hopeful Fathers day

By: Gabriel Adams

The gift of a child is one that parents should treasure above anything else. The chance to give your love to a child is the greatest thing that you can do in the world. I believe that some people lose sight of how much their child’s well-being matters in the long run. The way you raise your child can have long-term effects on their life, and you are the most influential factor in their life.

If you cause harm to your child while they are growing up, it can cause serious psychological and physical damage for the rest of their lives. On the flip side if you raise them correctly in a healthy, happy home, they can reap benefits for a lifetime. Some of these lifelong benefits include having confidence in themselves, being a productive member of society, and also the ability to have healthy relationships with other people.

If you praise your child and shower them with love when you are raising them, it will give them confidence in themselves. Confidence can lead to many benefits in society from getting good grades, to making friends, to getting a good job. If your child does not have confidence in themselves, they might enter into a deep depression, or become a plague on society.

A healthy, happy home can also lead your child to become a productive member of society, because they will have learned the value of hard work and determination. These two values are very important in the development of a child into an adult. The final lifelong benefit of a healthy, happy home is the ability of your child to build healthy relationships throughout their lives.

If you want your child to be truly happy, then they need to know how to make friends with other people, and hopefully fall in love and get married some day. All parents should consider these benefits when they are raising their children, and make sure to put their child’s interests before anything else.

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Visit Psychotherapy for Adults, Adolescents and Couples Chapel Hill, NC and Coaching and Consulting.

Bedtime!...But Mom I'm Not Tired!

2007-06-06T04:33:00.000-07:00

By: J Gardener

We all remember how we felt, growing up, when Mom called out, "Bedtime!" each night. We resented it. She just picked a time out of thin air, we thought, and made us go to bed, whether we were tired or not. We knew we had a good hour or two left in us, to play or read or watch TV, before we felt the first twinges of sleepiness. We thought we were old enough to decide for ourselves when it was time to sleep, and Mom was making it up when she said, "You need your sleep". "Oh, yeah? Then how come you and Dad stay up till midnight?"

Nowadays, many of us are more lenient about sending our kids to bed. We think that our parents were living in the dark ages, setting those arbitrary bedtimes for the sake of exerting power over us. We're much more enlightened-after all, left to their own devices, kids will get the sleep they need, right? Well, maybe not.

According to the National Sleep Foundation, parents today tend to focus on making their children's waking lives as fulfilling as possible, while they ignore the "forgotten country" of sleep. The result is a large number of children today with sleep-deprivation problems.

Based on a number of studies, it turns out that our parents were right. Kids, especially younger kids, need large amounts of sleep, whether they think they want it or not. In fact, up until the age of five, twelve hours of sleep, including daytime naps, is the optimum for many children.

Many kids, especially toddlers, will fight their imposed bedtimes, while many parents make the mistake of believing that, if they let their kids stay up later, they'll fall asleep more easily. The opposite is often true-the more tired kids get, the harder it is for many of them to fall asleep. And, once they do nod off, their sleep is often more restless.

According to the National Institutes of Health , a child who doesn't get necessary sleep can display a variety of problems throughout the day, including lack of concentration in school, lack of performance in extra-curricular activities, memory lapses, accidents or injuries, and behavioral problems. Many sleep-deprived kids show signs of hyperactivity-rather than lethargy-which can lead to misdiagnoses of other problems, such as ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder).

So what can parents do, to get their kids to bed? One of the most effective strategies is to make bedtime a ritual, and make your kids partners in the decision-making process. Once the parent has set the bedtime, let the child choose which pajamas to wear, which stuffed animals to sleep with, or which story to hear, before the lights go out.

Make evening a relaxing time-too much activity can get kids too wound-up to sleep, easily. Avoid caffeine and large meals close to bedtime.

Keep your child's bedroom dark and remove televisions and computers; these are distractions which can tempt kids to stay awake, even when they're truly tired.

Our moms may not have had the advantage of numerous scientific sleep studies to rely on, but they weren't just making up facts out of thin air when they insisted that kids need their sleep. They really do.

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Brought to you by Imaginary Greetings, a regular contributor of valuable family oriented content. For additional tips on how to truly light up your child's eyes this holiday season like never before with personalized letters from Santa Claus.

How Two Quarrelling Kids Helped Invent the Better Behavior

2007-05-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

By: Julie Butler

When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles started.

Prior to that, they got along great. Laura was always protective of her little brother, and he in turn, doted on her.

Perhaps it was about needing space, asserting independence…whatever the reason, it drove my husband and I crazy. It would start over the tiniest of excuses. One minute the house would be quiet, and the next they'd be shouting at one another.

"Mom, Laura won't give my CD back!"

"It's not yours. It's mine!"

"No it isn't. I got it for Christmas!"

"No you didn't. I did!"

And on and on it would go. Until, finally, one of us would have to intervene. And there would be a truce…sort of. At least until the next blowup.

We hated the atmosphere of tension that would invariably follow these exchanges. Our once happy home was being turned into a war zone, and it felt like there were land mines scattered beneath our feet.

One night, in desperation, we had a conference. We called the kids into the living room and told them how upsetting their behavior was. We asked them for suggestions on how we could restore peace and serenity back into the family.

Off to their rooms

Well, we didn't resolve anything on the spot. We sent them to their rooms with instructions to each come up with a half dozen appropriate consequences that we could impose the next time they had a fight.

The following day we were presented with a list of consequences from each. Some even looked pretty good. Examples: Clean the other person's room; Do dishes for the other person; Make the other person's bed for a week; Lend your favorite CD or game to the other person for a week; Make a list of 10 good things about the other person; Hug and make up….

We decided to arrange the consequences around the perimeter of a board, and then we attached a spinner in the middle. When you gave it a spin, the spinner would eventually stop and point to one of the consequences. Then we hung the board up in the kitchen, in plain sight. We crossed our fingers, and waited.

And waited.

It was amazing. Just the presence of the board, hanging on our kitchen wall, had an instant calming effect on the atmosphere in our home. Occasionally we'd see one of the kids standing in front of the board, idly flicking the spinner, checking it out. But the fighting had stopped.

Well not forever. It took about ten days before they forgot about the board and peace was shattered by another battle.

We were ready.

We called them both into the kitchen, took the board down off the wall, and placed it on the table. They knew what they had to do. How could they refuse? They chose the consequences. They practically invented the board. It landed on the most dreaded consequence of all: Hug and make up!

The tension was broken as they awkwardly gave each other a hug, mumbling apologies. We all had a good laugh, and life resumed.

Maybe we're on to something

Wow, we thought days later when there'd been no further skirmishes…if this thing works so well for arguing, what about some of the other issues that we seemed to be always struggling with. Wasting electricity, for example. It seemed like the kids were always leaving the lights on when they left a room. Or they'd leave the TV on when they went to bed. Or they'd take half hour showers. Why not make another wheel with consequences related to wasting electricity?

Well, eventually and inevitably, we ended up making consequences to cover seven different issues, or themes. Excessive Arguing was joined by A Job Poorly Done, Leaving the Lights On, Stretching the Truth, Taking Without Asking, Talking Back, and Not Putting Things Back.

And then, because we felt that extra good behavior should be recognized, we added another theme called Just Desserts, consisting of rewards.

We called it The Better Behavior Wheel.

It has worked beyond our wildest expectations.

In the past we'd often let behavior slide.

"David…it's 8:30. Get the dishes done."

"I know." From downstairs where he's watching TV.

"David. It's 9:00. Get these dishes done right now!"

"I know."

Until we'd get angry. And then the consequences would end up being out of proportion to the infraction. And blood pressure would rise, and anger would reign.

"DAVID…GET YOUR BUTT UP HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE AND GET THOSE DISHES DONE, AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT GOING CAMPING THIS WEEKEND!!!"

But with the wheel…

"David…it's 8:15…you haven't started the dishes yet. I'm afraid we'll have to spin the wheel."

"But, Mom…"

"I'm sorry, Dear. It's really not up to me. Those are the rules we all agreed on. Gee, I hope you don't land on a really bad consequence."

The amazing thing is…we're no longer the bad guys. We can actually root for the kids as they drag themselves up to the wheel. It's no longer an us against them issue. It's the wheel that they have to answer to.

But the greatest thing of all…we hardly ever have to use the wheel. It hangs on the kitchen wall, acting as a watchdog and reminder. It's mere presence has worked miracles.

We want one too

After sharing our experience with our friends, and demonstrating the wheel to them, we have received widespread encouragement to make them for others. Ultimately we thought, why not? It's a great product. We know it works. If it can help others the way it has helped us, it almost seemed a shame not to make them.

We even made a Virtual Wheel - a download version that can be played on the computer. We give this out free with each order so the customer can begin spinning right away while she's waiting for her order to arrive.

It's been four years since we had to send them to their rooms, but David and Laura get along great these days. They've both turned into wonderful teens, and we'd like to think that the Wheel shares a huge portion of the credit for that.

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

A mother of 4 kids from Eugene, Oregon, Julie Butler now lives in central British Columbia where she markets the Better Behavior Wheel to grateful parents. Her website is www.better-behavior.com

Secrets Of Happy Moms

2007-05-09T04:58:00.000-07:00

by: Carrie Lauth

Have you ever noticed how some Moms seem to be very contented and confident in their role as Mothers, and others seem chronically stressed and approaching burnout? Why are some Moms unflappable and able to keep their sense of humor, while others overreact to the slightest stressors in their day?

I'm currently observing and interviewing these happy Moms as I conduct research for an upcoming book. While all Moms are different, these women usually have several of the following traits in common.

1) They keep it simple.

I know one Mom who grocery shops every two weeks and buys the exact same thing every time to prepare the same menu of 14 dinners. Why does she do this? She's picked the family's favorite meals for her menu to save herself time and arguments at the dinner table. Anyone with kids knows they like to eat the same things over and over! This Mom has decided not to reinvent the wheel twice a month. This is just one example of keeping it simple.

2) They teach their kids to be independent.

This doesn't mean they leave them to their own devices all day. But a smart Mom knows that a 2 year old can put a dish in the dishwasher, a 4 year old can prepare his own peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a 7 year old can sweep a floor (albeit imperfectly!). Call it "outsourcing" for Moms.

3) They drop the SuperMom complex.

Not sweating the small stuff seems to be a common trait of happy Moms. They learn to pick their battles. Getting buckled into a car seat? Not negotiable. Pink paisley pants with the orange plaid shirt? Fashion creativity.

Happy Moms also realize that being an awesome Mom doesn't mean being a perfect Mom. 'Nuff said.

4) They can often be overheard repeating the phrase "This too shall pass".

It doesn't mean that bothersome behavior in kids should be overlooked, for discipline is a huge time saver in the end. It means that Moms realize that children are...well, uncivilized creatures, and that much uncivilized behavior will simply go away on its own as the child matures. Smart Moms are also keenly aware of their child's development and don't expect more of them than they are able to give.

5) Smart Moms take care of themselves.

They don't blame the baby for their extra weight when the baby in question is potty trained! They put emphasis on good nutrition, avoiding too much by way of stimulants (caffeine, sugar), they get adequate rest, and daily exercise. They realize that you can't pour from an empty bucket.

6) They live in the moment.

Happy Moms realize that the days are long but the years short. It's not that they are impervious to stress, it's that they have learned to lower their expectations and be in the moment when things get difficult. When your toddler is puking all over the house, this is not the time to reorganize the hall closet. A sick day then turns into a time to create sweet memories of hours spent reading and cuddling on the couch.

7) They don't worry about what others think.

Whether it's the disapproving glare from the old lady in the checkout line, the Mother in law who is convinced you're starving the baby by breastfeeding, or the Pediatrician whose medical advice strays into parenting advice, happy Moms learn not to give too much weight to the opinions of those who don't live in their home.

8) In other words, they trust their instincts.

Whether it's taking the baby to bed with them so they can get more sleep or taking a bullied child out of public school, smart Moms know that they are the expert of their own babies.

9) Happy Moms have "something else"

It may be a part time home based business or a hobby like belly dancing. These Moms know that some day their babies will fly the coop, and they make sure they have a passion that will give them purpose when that happens.

About The Author

Carrie Lauth helps Moms turn their interest in natural family life into an income at http://www.NaturalMomBusinessGuide.com. For more great articles and resources for Moms doing things the natural way, visit http://www.natural-moms.com.

2007-04-29T09:49:00.000-07:00

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Do Teen Brains Cause Reckless Behavior?

2007-04-29T05:25:00.000-07:00

By: Simon Evans

The latest issue of Scientific American Mind has a great article about the teen brain, challenging many of our current thoughts about our young adolescents. Many recent studies support the notion that teenagers' brains are somehow inept at dealing with challenges in the same way as adults, and that this underlies their often reckless behavior. I have written posts in the past summarizing some of this work.

The Myth of the Teen Brain

In his article, The Myth of the Teen Brain, Robert Epstein makes a compelling argument that the majority of these previous studies are all wet. Epstein is a psychologist who has studied this issue for many years, across hundreds of cultures.

He cites one study of 186 pre-industrial societies in which teens spend most of their time with adults and have few of the problem behaviors that we Americans associate with adolescence. In fact, the majority of these societies don't even have a word for adolescence – teens are not distinguished from adults.

The Battle between Hormones and Culture

Treating teens like adults makes a lot of sense from a biological perspective. Like it or not, teens are of reproductive age. If they lived a few hundred years ago, they would likely be parenting children of their own. If their brains were really ‘programmed' for recklessness then it's unlikely that the human race would have survived. It is only the rules of our society that have made teen parenthood abnormal. This is, of course, not to condone teen pregnancy but to realize that the problem stems from man-made cultural issues, not from nature-made biological ones.

The Consequences of Restricting Behavior

Another statistic that Epstein points out is that American teens have 10 times as many restrictions as adults and twice as many restrictions as incarcerated felons! He points out that prior to 1800 there were really no laws restricting teen behavior; by 1900 there were about 20; and by the year 2000, there were over 140 laws defining what teens can and cannot do.

This, Epstein argues, is the real problem. He claims that we artificially extend teens childhood by treating them like children. We are also placing them in situations where they primarily only socialize with each other – when we should be socializing them to be adults.

He claims that all of the previous studies showing that teens' brains are ‘inferior' to adults' brains is because the behaviors we impose on them make their brains different – and not that their brain differences cause their behaviors.

Anyone that went to college with someone who was a raised in a restricted environment knows how rebellious they can be. At the risk of offending readers, my Catholic School friends were the wildest kids around. Too strict or restrictive of an up-bringing pushes many teens to go hard the other way. Dr. Epstein suggests that our over-restrictive society may be behind tragedies like Littleton and Virginia Tech.

The question then, is ‘Are all the restrictions on teens necessary in today's society or have we gone too far?' Do all the rules make matters better or worse?

Protection or Exposure?

Many Europeans laugh at us Americans for our protective attitudes, especially around alcohol and sex. We think little of exposing teens to violence on TV and in video games, but we cringe at letting them see a sex scene. What's worse, growing up to have sex or shooting someone?

Also in Europe, teens are exposed to alcohol for a couple of years before legally learning to drive. They don't have the taboo associated with a glass of beer or wine and don't have as many problems associated with alcohol abuse. In America, we make sure that they already have their car keys in hand when they go out for their first legal drinking binge. Seems a little backward to me.

Lighten Up?

There are good arguments on both sides of the debate. As parents, we need to take a hard look at the rules we impose on our own teens. Of course, we need to stay within the laws of our country. But we can ask ourselves if all our household rules are for their own long-term good. Do our rules protect them at the expense of delaying their abilities to become independent and think for themselves? Will you feel comfortable with your teen's ability to handle adversity when they step out of the protection of your home? Maybe if we stop treating them like children they will stop acting like them.

Copyright (c) 2007 The Brain Code LLC

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Train your Brain for total Brain Fitness. The Brain Code is the key to unlock your maximum potential. Dr. Simon Evans puts together the right ingredients in right amount to create the recipe for success. Visit us at www.thebraincode.com

The Many Lifelong Benefits Of A Healthy, Happy Home

2007-04-22T06:11:00.000-07:00

By: Gabriel Adams

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Visit Psychotherapy for Adults, Adolescents and Couples Chapel Hill, NC and Coaching and Consulting.

10 Ways to DE-Stress Before Organizing Your Home

2007-04-06T05:08:00.000-07:00

By: Jan Hayner

Every time that we think of all of the things that we have to do to get our homes looking the way we would 'like them' to look-we get stressed.

Every time that we think of the mess we have in our homes-we get stressed.

Every time that we can't find something that we are looking for-we get stressed.

Every time that we can't find a place to put something-we get stressed.

Every time we; never mind you get the idea by now.

It is no wonder that thinking about organizing our homes raises our blood pressure; our anxiety and stress levels go up once again.

It would be nice to have a little genie that thinks the way that we think and arranges things the way we wished they would be arranged and then comes in and does all of this for us. They can, it's called a Professional Organizer, all you have to do is hire one.

I know, most of you think that they are too expensive and that there is some kind of hidden agenda. This is very UNTRUE!

It isn't any different than hiring a carpet cleaning person to come and do your carpets. They walk in, evaluate the situation, find out what services you want done, do the job and leave.

But, for those of you do-it-yourselfers that have the "I want to do it myself" attitude, there is ME. A professional organizer that will give you tips on how to do it.

The first place that everyone needs to start is to distress yourself.

For that we need a guideline; so follow these easy steps;

1. Make a list of the jobs you want to organize. This is your master list.

2. Now use another piece of paper and take the job that you know will bother you the most and place the name at the top of the paper.

3. On this paper; list everything that you need to do to get the job accomplished.

4. At the bottom of the paper write down all of the items that you will need to accomplish the job to your satisfaction.

5. Now in the upper right hand corner write down a number of minutes that you think that it will take you to get the job done.

6.Take a break and go and have a cup of coffee, a soda or glass of water and relax for 10 minutes.

7.Set the timer to make sure that you know when 10 minutes are up.

That seemed like a long time didn't it?
Do you still think it will take you as long as the number that you wrote in the upper right hand corner? Well, to be honest, who cares!

I wanted you to write a number down so that you could see that you created a stress point for yourself, as well as by setting a timer when your objective was to relax. There is no need to think that you have to time everything in your life.

It gets done when the job is done; period. Don't put any extra pressure (also known as stress)on yourself.

8. Now go to the room that you made a list for and evaluate what you are going to do and how great it is going to look when you are finished.

9.Get everything on your list that you need to get the job finished.

10.Start organizing and cleaning, using your list as your guide so that you don't forget anything. Just go from number one to two to three etc. don't skip around and don't add things to your list. Start in one corner of the room and work your way around it so that the last thing that you do is walk out of the door.

By this time you are so sick of listening to me go on and on about stress that the break for actually getting down to work is a welcome experience.

We have a tendency to heap more on ourselves than what we can handle. If we have one list, we keep adding to it. If we are going to do one job, we look at the whole picture instead of taking it down into smaller jobs. All of these things create stress.

By following these simple steps in different aspects of our lives stress gets eliminated.

Just think to yourself, what am I getting so upset about? Is getting upset making the job go faster? Do I feel better by upsetting myself? Chances are the answer is NO to all of the questions and once you start to laugh at yourself (the best stress reliever of them all) everything else will be easy.

Article Source: http://www.articlerich.com

Jan Hayner is creeator of Easy Home Organizing at www.organizingyourlifetheeasyway.com Get free tips, shortcuts, hints and printables. Order your free pamphlets 50 Things To Do In 10 Minutes or Less and Guiltbusters for Working Moms.

50 Life Lessons

2007-02-27T08:42:00.000-08:00

"But Now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you: I have called you by name, You are mine." Isaiah 43:1

by John Spohr

When you are feeling depressed or down, read these life lessons to put things back into perspective.

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take "no" for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear your fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare; then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.
About the Author

John Spohr, M.S.M is a 27-year veteran of the Computer industry specializing in B2C eCommerce systems.

For information on EDC Gold, an online business that can put significant cash in your pocket daily, visit his site online at http://www.the-wealth-formula.com

2007-01-21T20:12:00.001-08:00

Parenting Advice: A Walk In The Park

By: Deanna Mascle -

Today when I picked up my son from school we did not go home or run errands. Instead we headed to our local park and went for a walk. Well, truthfully, I walked and he rode his scooter. Sometimes when we take a walk in the park he rides his bike. That is not important. What is important is that we are outside doing something active together. There are three good reasons why you should take your child for a walk in the park.

An important reason for taking regular walks with your child is health. Your health and your child's health can benefit from walking. An estimated 65 percent of U.S. adults aged 20 years and older are either overweight or obese. Between 5-25 percent of children and teenagers in the United States are overweight or obese.

Risk factors for heart disease, such as high cholesterol and high blood pressure, occur with increased frequency in overweight children and adults as does Type 2 diabetes and some forms of cancer. Overweight adolescents have a 70 percent chance of becoming overweight or obese adults. This increases to 80 percent if one or more parent is overweight or obese.

Walking at a brisk but comfortable pace for 20 to 30 minutes three times a week increases the oxygen intake to the blood and strengthens your heart, improves circulation, and lowers blood pressure. Walking also helps your body regulate blood sugar and cholesterol levels.

In addition to health benefits, walking also offers emotional benefits for your relationship with your child. If you make it a point to walk together at least three times a week then that is three occasions when you can talk without distraction or interruption. You can focus on what your child is saying (or not saying) and ask questions about your child's life. You can also talk about other issues big and small that impact your child and the world. If your child can rely on these occasions then they will also take the opportunity to raise concerns and questions they have as well.

Finally, walking offers social benefits that can help build a stronger relationship with your child and create lasting memories. While not every walk will inspire laughter and joy over time there will be events and shared experiences that will last a lifetime. It is these type of memories that bring families closer together.

So my parenting advice is simply to take a walk in the park, a hike in the woods, or a stroll through your neighborhood with your child. It will be provide many health, social and emotional benefits for you and your child.

Article Source: http://www.articles-keyword-rich.com - Free Web Site Content

About The Author:

Deanna Mascle shares more parenting advice and parenting tips at officialfamily.us

Creating Happy, Healthy Teens

By: Kim Olver

There is research that shows that the best outcomes result when parents provide a good balance between guidelines and expectations for their children’s behavior and a positive, supportive relationship.

Parents are not meant to be their children’s best friends but in order to raise happy, healthy teens, it is imperative to have a reasonably close relationship, at least as close as your teen will allow.

During this period in your child’s life, he or she is attempting to separate from you by developing his or her own identity that is uniquely different from yours. Teens often find their parents’ values conflict with the values of their peer culture and what they see in the media. While they are separating from you, they are being immersed in a world where almost anything goes.

The only way to maintain any influence during this time is by maintaining a positive relationship. This can be difficult because your children are doing things that scare you and may jeopardize their safety but you need to stay supportive and encouraging. One of the best things you can do for your teenager is to listen. Attempt to understand their life from their unique vantage point.

Ask your children questions and listen to the answers, without judgment. Teens need to know that you are interested in what they do and that their thoughts and ideas won’t be criticized by you at every turn. Resist the temptation to correct everything they say. This will increase the likelihood that your teens will continue to talk to you.

That does not mean that you support their negative behaviors. It is acceptable and important that you let them know how their behavior affects you. If your child starts swearing, it is all right to acknowledge their right to do so with their friends if that is important to them, but you would prefer he or she not use offensive language in your presence. Read more
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